I wanted to take a minute to get down my impressions of Crown Tournament. I've had no time (wonder of wonders), but I don't want it to get too far away before I put some of it down.
The day was absolutely perfect. I understand that the night before was cold for camping, but by the time we got to site, it was wonderful fighting weather. Not too warm for a cloak, but bright and sunny.
I was remarkably calm. I think calmer than I've ever been at a Crown Tournament. (I love them because you usually see at least one bout that makes your trip worthwhile, but I usually am nervous about the outcome, pace a little, and even, yes, growl and hide my eyes.) I wasn't detached, but I just felt like there wasn't any doubt.
As we arrived and set up, several people said nice things, "Your boy's the front-runner," "Good morning Princess-to-be," etc. Yes, a few "gulp" moments, but mostly just nice and fun to hear.
When we got ready to line up, I went to get Luther and waited while he took a few warm-up swings at Semjaka. Not at all stressed. I joked with him as much as I could in the line-up. You can see some of that in the picture. Silliness and fun while we waited our turn.
Then, nothing but smiles for the King and Queen. :)
The tournament itself was just fun to watch. A nod and a wink from Luther before each bout and a grin from me. Just another tourney for him where I watch and support him.
One moment of panic (for him, I was blithely oblivious) when he blew a strap right before his bout with Alric. Won that one, then a field fix with a penny to keep things moving for the next bout.
People kept asking if I was nervous, but I said, "I've been to this tournament before, there's a lot of fighting left before I need to get nervous."
Next thing I know someone from TRM's retinue is requesting my presence for the finals. I make sure Luther is good, then go to the field, to be handed a thorns-on bundle of roses (this led to a bit of bleeding on my part) and stand next to my Queen with Xorazne at my side holding my hand.
First great sword bout of the day, then back to sword and shield. At the point that Alric fell, it actually hit me--and my jaw dropped. Xorazne took the flowers from me and sort of shoved me toward Luther--he had his back to me to give his helmet and gauntlets to Joe. Silhouetted between him and Alric was Jean Michelle, with his arms raised in triumph. :) Luther turned (he says I looked like I got hit in the head with a frying pan ;-)), and we hugged.
Then on to the crowning and serious words--and a serious task. And the Crown that I'd feared and loved, on *my* head. Almost too much to believe. But at it's center, nothing but joy. :)
The day was absolutely perfect. I understand that the night before was cold for camping, but by the time we got to site, it was wonderful fighting weather. Not too warm for a cloak, but bright and sunny.
I was remarkably calm. I think calmer than I've ever been at a Crown Tournament. (I love them because you usually see at least one bout that makes your trip worthwhile, but I usually am nervous about the outcome, pace a little, and even, yes, growl and hide my eyes.) I wasn't detached, but I just felt like there wasn't any doubt.
As we arrived and set up, several people said nice things, "Your boy's the front-runner," "Good morning Princess-to-be," etc. Yes, a few "gulp" moments, but mostly just nice and fun to hear.
When we got ready to line up, I went to get Luther and waited while he took a few warm-up swings at Semjaka. Not at all stressed. I joked with him as much as I could in the line-up. You can see some of that in the picture. Silliness and fun while we waited our turn.
Then, nothing but smiles for the King and Queen. :)
The tournament itself was just fun to watch. A nod and a wink from Luther before each bout and a grin from me. Just another tourney for him where I watch and support him.
One moment of panic (for him, I was blithely oblivious) when he blew a strap right before his bout with Alric. Won that one, then a field fix with a penny to keep things moving for the next bout.
People kept asking if I was nervous, but I said, "I've been to this tournament before, there's a lot of fighting left before I need to get nervous."
Next thing I know someone from TRM's retinue is requesting my presence for the finals. I make sure Luther is good, then go to the field, to be handed a thorns-on bundle of roses (this led to a bit of bleeding on my part) and stand next to my Queen with Xorazne at my side holding my hand.
First great sword bout of the day, then back to sword and shield. At the point that Alric fell, it actually hit me--and my jaw dropped. Xorazne took the flowers from me and sort of shoved me toward Luther--he had his back to me to give his helmet and gauntlets to Joe. Silhouetted between him and Alric was Jean Michelle, with his arms raised in triumph. :) Luther turned (he says I looked like I got hit in the head with a frying pan ;-)), and we hugged.
Then on to the crowning and serious words--and a serious task. And the Crown that I'd feared and loved, on *my* head. Almost too much to believe. But at it's center, nothing but joy. :)
"You may be overwhelmed with compassion, but it's challenging to put your feelings into words. You feel more connected with your friends or work team now, but it may not be clear as to why others are being so nice to you. Don't fight it; there is nothing to fear. Practice accepting love, even if you aren't sure that you fully deserve it."
More fabulous insight to come. :)
Got one of the best compliments I've ever received today:
"Jenn, you continue to surprise and amaze me in the most pleasant of ways... :) You show a remarkable genuineness (perhaps "Jenn-uineness") and comfort with yourself, and your direct honesty is wonderfully refreshing!"
"Your cautious optimism will hold you in good stead now, for you won't likely go overboard with your enthusiasm, even if someone shares an exciting idea with you. You can be cool and collected as you think about the potential, yet simultaneously be quite excited within your own private thoughts. Playing the role of devil's advocate is a good way to find hidden flaws in a plan, but don't overdo it or you'll dampen the fires of creativity."
This is my horoscope for today. Good advice for every day. :) And so strangely Jenn.
"Cautious optimism" becomes me. I really work on being optimistic and feel like I succeed most of the time. :) But, I am also always prepared for the possibility of the negative outcome. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst -- cautious optimism.
I love it. :)
I've been composing this entry in my mind
since Saturday, when I went to the Nebraska football game with my
family. I know that it's impossible to put into words the feeling that
comes when you go to a sporting event. Not just watch it on TV (though
that can be quite fun as well), but when you're *there* and *present*
in the moment. The high that comes being part of something bigger. Part
of the crowd of fans with a single purpose in mind.
Winning and losing are fairly meaningless to me when I step into the stadium. I think I've spoken here about the anticipation of Lilies. The rituals that I've developed over the years getting prepared. A Husker game has a similar process for me. Dressing for the game is particular. I used to have a special pair of red socks that I wore every game day. (I used to have a pair of red overalls that I wore to school on the Monday after a game, too... ) I hope this won't change the way anyone thinks of me, but... I put on special underwear for a game, black for the Blackshirts. :) A red shirt of some type--appropriate to the time of year, this game was a "blackout" in support of the defense (the Blackshirts) so I wore black to this game. Then you have to prepare for the fact that you'll be away from your car for hours on end. Pants with pockets are a necessity. :) I could go on, but you get the picture...
Then to the game. The walk to the stadium has purpose, creating the environment, the connection with the rest of the people also on the way to a game. At the stadium, smile at the ticket taker, tell him thanks. Into the belly of the stadium. Dark at first, eyes have to adjust. More friends with a similar purpose. Then climb toward your seat. Sometimes this is a long climb behind the stands, sometimes it's shorter. Then you step through into the sun (even on a cloudy day, it really doesn't matter)--and look at the sea of red and down on the field. I love that first moment. Everything is so bright and so colorful and so RED. :)
Find your seat, look around at the people who are going to become your shieldmen in the battles to come. Touch your spot on the benches, never large enough for you to sit comfortably. The stadium is one of the few places that you can touch a complete stranger from shoulder to knee for hours at a time.
Then the rituals of the game. The Cornhusker Marching Band pregame show to all four directions of the stadium. The "Star Spangled Banner," hats off, hands on hearts. This is the heartland, and we all know someone who is in Iraq or who has been there, the SSB is very serious these days. A moment in time when we all are united.
The *TUNNEL WALK,* during which the fans and, I can only assume, the players are whipped into a frenzy... (As we walked into the stadium last weekend, Max said, "Oh no, we missed the tunnel walk!" But we hadn't, we were just there before the players had gone to the locker room before it.)
Kickoff finally arrives, and it's on. :) Depending on the game, I come up for air a couple of times before halftime, but most of the time, my thoughts and eyes are on the field. The last few games, I've gone with my nephews, so it's been punctuated with explanations of penalties, what exactly a punt is, how come that was a hold and this one isn't (explain that to a 5-year-old, I dare you!)... It's been better than almost anything.
...
Winning and losing are fairly meaningless to me when I step into the stadium. I think I've spoken here about the anticipation of Lilies. The rituals that I've developed over the years getting prepared. A Husker game has a similar process for me. Dressing for the game is particular. I used to have a special pair of red socks that I wore every game day. (I used to have a pair of red overalls that I wore to school on the Monday after a game, too... ) I hope this won't change the way anyone thinks of me, but... I put on special underwear for a game, black for the Blackshirts. :) A red shirt of some type--appropriate to the time of year, this game was a "blackout" in support of the defense (the Blackshirts) so I wore black to this game. Then you have to prepare for the fact that you'll be away from your car for hours on end. Pants with pockets are a necessity. :) I could go on, but you get the picture...
Then to the game. The walk to the stadium has purpose, creating the environment, the connection with the rest of the people also on the way to a game. At the stadium, smile at the ticket taker, tell him thanks. Into the belly of the stadium. Dark at first, eyes have to adjust. More friends with a similar purpose. Then climb toward your seat. Sometimes this is a long climb behind the stands, sometimes it's shorter. Then you step through into the sun (even on a cloudy day, it really doesn't matter)--and look at the sea of red and down on the field. I love that first moment. Everything is so bright and so colorful and so RED. :)
Find your seat, look around at the people who are going to become your shieldmen in the battles to come. Touch your spot on the benches, never large enough for you to sit comfortably. The stadium is one of the few places that you can touch a complete stranger from shoulder to knee for hours at a time.
Then the rituals of the game. The Cornhusker Marching Band pregame show to all four directions of the stadium. The "Star Spangled Banner," hats off, hands on hearts. This is the heartland, and we all know someone who is in Iraq or who has been there, the SSB is very serious these days. A moment in time when we all are united.
The *TUNNEL WALK,* during which the fans and, I can only assume, the players are whipped into a frenzy... (As we walked into the stadium last weekend, Max said, "Oh no, we missed the tunnel walk!" But we hadn't, we were just there before the players had gone to the locker room before it.)
Kickoff finally arrives, and it's on. :) Depending on the game, I come up for air a couple of times before halftime, but most of the time, my thoughts and eyes are on the field. The last few games, I've gone with my nephews, so it's been punctuated with explanations of penalties, what exactly a punt is, how come that was a hold and this one isn't (explain that to a 5-year-old, I dare you!)... It's been better than almost anything.
...
Maerwynn, do you swear that you will honor and defend the Crown and Kingdom of Calontir?
Do you swear that you will conduct yourself in all matters as befits a Peer, continuing to practice the virtues of chivalry, nobility, and personal integrity?
That you will persevere in your pursuit of excellence in the arts and sciences, and share your skills with those who have an earnest desire to learn?
That you will be courteous and honor all peers of the realm and all others with whom you shall have dealings?
Five years ago today I knelt before the Crown of Calontir and swore to take up the responsibility of being a Laurel in the SCA. The image above is one that I worked so hard to make happen that day--HRM Ariel as literal "ring-giver" offering me an arm ring (which was my Laurel "medallion") for my service to the Crown. A VERY Anglo-Saxon moment.
I can't believe that it's been that long. I still feel so shiny and new. Which, on one hand, is amazingly positive. So far, I'm not an old tired Peer ready to retire. :) Though I've definitely gotten comfortable with being a cap-P Peer, and it's been a long time since I cringed when someone called me "Mistress."
In so many ways, I'm nothing like the person in that photo. I speak in meetings--I think, at times, to the chagrin of some others. I stand up for myself so much more now than I ever did. I pay attention to my own needs so much more. The warnings that are given not to wear yourself so thin that you have nothing left to offer others have definitely had an affect on me.
I have a household. And I could have a "grand-apprentice"--someone who was my apprentice is now a Laurel herself. I feel like I've definitely had an affect on the people and places that I've been in contact with since that day. I've loved being a Laurel in so many ways.
Milestones are also times to evaluate. I could do better. Though "production" has never been my strong point, I could do more--make more. I have a *lot* of really interesting stuff that I don't do enough with. When I taught my spinning class a few weeks ago, I realized that I should spin more. When I taught my nalbinding class, I realized that I haven't done enough of that lately, either. :) And I've been feeling a little out of the loop in A-S stuff recently, too. There's a book on beads that's been out for a while now that I don't own... :) I promised Fernando an Anglo-Saxon song. I've picked the poem. Now I just need to get the tune worked out.
Still have more to learn/share/give/grow. :)
Do you swear that you will conduct yourself in all matters as befits a Peer, continuing to practice the virtues of chivalry, nobility, and personal integrity?
That you will persevere in your pursuit of excellence in the arts and sciences, and share your skills with those who have an earnest desire to learn?
That you will be courteous and honor all peers of the realm and all others with whom you shall have dealings?
Five years ago today I knelt before the Crown of Calontir and swore to take up the responsibility of being a Laurel in the SCA. The image above is one that I worked so hard to make happen that day--HRM Ariel as literal "ring-giver" offering me an arm ring (which was my Laurel "medallion") for my service to the Crown. A VERY Anglo-Saxon moment.
I can't believe that it's been that long. I still feel so shiny and new. Which, on one hand, is amazingly positive. So far, I'm not an old tired Peer ready to retire. :) Though I've definitely gotten comfortable with being a cap-P Peer, and it's been a long time since I cringed when someone called me "Mistress."
In so many ways, I'm nothing like the person in that photo. I speak in meetings--I think, at times, to the chagrin of some others. I stand up for myself so much more now than I ever did. I pay attention to my own needs so much more. The warnings that are given not to wear yourself so thin that you have nothing left to offer others have definitely had an affect on me.
I have a household. And I could have a "grand-apprentice"--someone who was my apprentice is now a Laurel herself. I feel like I've definitely had an affect on the people and places that I've been in contact with since that day. I've loved being a Laurel in so many ways.
Milestones are also times to evaluate. I could do better. Though "production" has never been my strong point, I could do more--make more. I have a *lot* of really interesting stuff that I don't do enough with. When I taught my spinning class a few weeks ago, I realized that I should spin more. When I taught my nalbinding class, I realized that I haven't done enough of that lately, either. :) And I've been feeling a little out of the loop in A-S stuff recently, too. There's a book on beads that's been out for a while now that I don't own... :) I promised Fernando an Anglo-Saxon song. I've picked the poem. Now I just need to get the tune worked out.
Still have more to learn/share/give/grow. :)
There's a movie that I've composed not
one, not two, but three different blog entries in my head about...
(Unfortunately, none of them have made it to the posted stage, until
now...) It's a cute little movie called The Holiday,
which I think is one of the chick-flickiest of chick flicks. (Jude Law
is, well, adorable in it, and here's where I admit to having had a
little crush on Jack Black, well, forever... Oh, and Kate Winslet is
pretty cute and funny in it, too.) I'm just amazed at the journey that
it's taken in my mind. (Yes, I've spent time considering my reactions
to a chick flick, deal with it. :) )
The first time I saw it was early this year, and what struck me then was the plot line about being the "leading lady" in your own life. One of the characters is a screen writer from an earlier time, and he looks at Kate Winslet's character at one point and asks her why she's been playing the "best friend" character, when she was made to be a leading lady. At that point, I was feeling like the "best friend" character is one that doesn't get enough credit. Of course, I was identifying with playing that role, and, to be completely truthful, seeking that role whenever possible. You know the one, the enabler, the one who helps the main character discover his or her flaw and overcome it. :) The best friend, who provides comic relief and a chance for exposition though witty dialog. And they have things, they get things, Rosie O'Donnell had Rick, and the tree man... :)
The next time I saw it, I thought that was kinda pathetic. That I should want to be the leading lady of my own life. That I wasn't sure what it said about me that I wouldn't want to be the center of anything... That the journey that Kate Winslet's character goes on is very genuine and freeing (and actually, has very little to do with the "best friend" character that I was thinking of). She's empowered by becoming a leading lady...
This most recent time (last Friday), the whole movie just made me angry. The entire plot is about sad, lonely women who find men in the end, and of course, then they are happy. Like even though both of them had great careers and houses and friends, they weren't OK because they were alone. I mean, they *are* pretty screwed up in the beginning, and each one has a special kind of journey. But, why does it have to be about finding a man? It just made me want to go home and watch Under the Tuscan Sun, the ending of which does involve a guy, but he's extraneous and not really a part of her journey, but something that she gets after she's arrived.
I have a feeling the next time I watch it, I may be able to just enjoy Jude Law in that baby blue sweater...
The first time I saw it was early this year, and what struck me then was the plot line about being the "leading lady" in your own life. One of the characters is a screen writer from an earlier time, and he looks at Kate Winslet's character at one point and asks her why she's been playing the "best friend" character, when she was made to be a leading lady. At that point, I was feeling like the "best friend" character is one that doesn't get enough credit. Of course, I was identifying with playing that role, and, to be completely truthful, seeking that role whenever possible. You know the one, the enabler, the one who helps the main character discover his or her flaw and overcome it. :) The best friend, who provides comic relief and a chance for exposition though witty dialog. And they have things, they get things, Rosie O'Donnell had Rick, and the tree man... :)
The next time I saw it, I thought that was kinda pathetic. That I should want to be the leading lady of my own life. That I wasn't sure what it said about me that I wouldn't want to be the center of anything... That the journey that Kate Winslet's character goes on is very genuine and freeing (and actually, has very little to do with the "best friend" character that I was thinking of). She's empowered by becoming a leading lady...
This most recent time (last Friday), the whole movie just made me angry. The entire plot is about sad, lonely women who find men in the end, and of course, then they are happy. Like even though both of them had great careers and houses and friends, they weren't OK because they were alone. I mean, they *are* pretty screwed up in the beginning, and each one has a special kind of journey. But, why does it have to be about finding a man? It just made me want to go home and watch Under the Tuscan Sun, the ending of which does involve a guy, but he's extraneous and not really a part of her journey, but something that she gets after she's arrived.
I have a feeling the next time I watch it, I may be able to just enjoy Jude Law in that baby blue sweater...
A couple of milestones occurred in my life yesterday.
One: I was on my way to get lunch, and I went on autopilot toward my new place. Only been there a little over a month, and already it's entered my subconscious as "home."
Two: The little girl who passes for an intern around here (yikes, they are making college students *young* these days) made a nasty comment about Topeka, and my hackles raised pretty obviously. I wanted to smack her. :)
Life sometimes blindsides you with things like roots and happy places. While I was growing up on the farm, we watched a lot of Topeka TV. (I periodically will drive past a street name and it will echo strangely in my subconscious--probably from an ad for a car dealership.) We went to Lincoln all the time (my grandmother lived there), but we hardly ever came this direction. Topeka was a mysterious place. (A line from While You Were Sleeping goes here, "We visited exotic places like Mil-waukee.") Street names like Wanamaker and Huntoon and Urish sounded so far away and interesting then.
And now, they are home.
One: I was on my way to get lunch, and I went on autopilot toward my new place. Only been there a little over a month, and already it's entered my subconscious as "home."
Two: The little girl who passes for an intern around here (yikes, they are making college students *young* these days) made a nasty comment about Topeka, and my hackles raised pretty obviously. I wanted to smack her. :)
Life sometimes blindsides you with things like roots and happy places. While I was growing up on the farm, we watched a lot of Topeka TV. (I periodically will drive past a street name and it will echo strangely in my subconscious--probably from an ad for a car dealership.) We went to Lincoln all the time (my grandmother lived there), but we hardly ever came this direction. Topeka was a mysterious place. (A line from While You Were Sleeping goes here, "We visited exotic places like Mil-waukee.") Street names like Wanamaker and Huntoon and Urish sounded so far away and interesting then.
And now, they are home.
Last night I did something that I haven’t
done in ages… I picked up a stick and hit someone with it. Khaentlahn
wanted to work on her defense. Someone else was supposed to come and
work with her, but they didn’t show up, and I just happened to be
there. :o) So, she put on her armor and handed me a piece of rattan and
told me to try to hit her. Well, all the serious and real stuff about
me trying to stop being one of the guys aside, I’m a little ashamed to
admit that one of the things that has kept me out of armour thus-far is
fear. As I put it to Khaentlahn last night—pure unadulterated fear of
sucking. :) I’ve been afraid that I wouldn’t be able to throw a hard
enough shot, that I’d hate it, that I wouldn’t be able to hold up a
shield, and basically that I wouldn’t be able to keep up at all.
What I learned last night: First, I can probably throw a hard enough shot—though I don’t think the second or third shot of any of my combos had anything on it, and I’d definitely have to work on what I think of as “backhand” shots (I don’t know that anything I threw at her left side was hard enough). Second, I wasn’t wearing armor, and it was really hot, but I still had shots in me when Khaentlahn decided she’d had enough. (I know that she’d kick my ass if I’d been in armor, but I didn’t do as bad as I expected to.) Third, a strapped shield isn’t nearly as heavy as it feels when you lift it unstrapped (I don’t think I could come close to a center grip, but I handled one OK strapped and upsidedown last night). And fourth, I liked it. A lot. By the time I went to bed last night I’d designed my armor in my head . . .
I’m still kinda afraid on many levels (I’m breakable, my knees and ankles are horrible, I have issues with certain physical things already and really don’t wanna get any more broken, I really *like* who I am and how it works for me in the SCA already, etc.), but maybe on a local level, I could play some… :o)
(The photo is one of the three blisters I acquired... ;-) )
What I learned last night: First, I can probably throw a hard enough shot—though I don’t think the second or third shot of any of my combos had anything on it, and I’d definitely have to work on what I think of as “backhand” shots (I don’t know that anything I threw at her left side was hard enough). Second, I wasn’t wearing armor, and it was really hot, but I still had shots in me when Khaentlahn decided she’d had enough. (I know that she’d kick my ass if I’d been in armor, but I didn’t do as bad as I expected to.) Third, a strapped shield isn’t nearly as heavy as it feels when you lift it unstrapped (I don’t think I could come close to a center grip, but I handled one OK strapped and upsidedown last night). And fourth, I liked it. A lot. By the time I went to bed last night I’d designed my armor in my head . . .
I’m still kinda afraid on many levels (I’m breakable, my knees and ankles are horrible, I have issues with certain physical things already and really don’t wanna get any more broken, I really *like* who I am and how it works for me in the SCA already, etc.), but maybe on a local level, I could play some… :o)
(The photo is one of the three blisters I acquired... ;-) )
Recent Comments
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hirotaro said:
[this is good]This was August, hon, and we need to get you in gear... ;) Of course, I'm hardly one to talk,... read more
on Fighting Thoughts
I was at the event that you were laurelled at. It was a lovely ceremony. I can't believe it has... read more
on Milestones...